Last week I experienced a rush of emotions, memories and future terror cascading through my body. I was completely overwhelmed by the sensations of terror and rage caused by the fears I have for my daughter. It felt like I was lost in my emotions and I would never find my way back to balance.
With the support from the friends I called that night, I did return from darkness. One friend even got me laughing again. And with guidance from my therapist I understand what had happened (I didn’t go crazy!).
I had experienced catharses.
What happens afterwards?
Perhaps being flooded with grief and then experiencing the release that comes afterwards is good for your spirit. But is it really good for your life? When emotions are known and the problem identified how do you live your life with that knowledge? Does anything really change? Do I have new insight into helping my child? Have I learned to be kinder to myself?
At first nothing changed. But after a week of thinking, writing and one more visit with my therapist, I felt acceptance slowly spreading throughout my body. Acceptance of the limitations my daughter’s illness has created for us both. I realized it was okay to stop fighting those limitations so fiercely and open our lives to other opportunities.
My catharsis opened my eyes to possibilities. The uncontrollable weeping expanded my awareness. It shook me to the core so hard when I finally got up off the floor my entire life had changed
I know this acceptance won’t stick unless I keep working with it. That’s why I keep writing and meditating and talking to my therapist. Catharsis isn’t a one time shake up that magically transforms you. It is more like a door being blown open by a tornado and when it passes you have a big mess to clean. I also suspect we have several cathartic events in our lives, but I hope not because just one was brutal enough.
We don’t have to experience big emotional cathartic events to heal trauma. That seems to happen more to overachieving, “I don’t need any help,” workaholic martyrs like me.
This is what Michelle Maree Hardeman-Guptill has to say about catharsis and healing from trauma. Follow the link and explore more of her trauma work at Neuro-Soma Transformations.