Simone Biles is a badass, not just for her gymnastic abilities, but for her ability to ask for help. Her body and mind needed rest, so she rested. She didn’t fall into the trap of shame or feeling guilt about letting people down. She just said “I need to rest.” Then she did it.
It took me three years to recognize I was exhausted, admit I was exhausted, and then accept that I needed to rest. Three years of powering through each day like an over-caffeinated, limping Wonder Woman. Shame kept me trapped in a spiral of depression, numbness, disassociation and anxiety. I drank too much, ate too little and spent too much time crying in my car. Feeling weak, I became terrified that my world would end if I actually did collapse.
Then one day, I collapsed.
But my world didn’t end.
My daughter was fine.
The people in my community surrounded me with love and support.
No one shamed me.
Everyone encouraged me to rest.
Because my body forced me to stop I rested, rather doing everything I believed I needed to do.
I slept.
Daily, four-hour naps refueled my body like water resurrecting a half dead plant.
As my body regained strength, I gained clarity.
Pushing myself beyond my physical and emotional limits because I am ashamed to admit I need help is a trauma response I learned in childhood. The drive to do too much kept me safe when I was twelve, but now it creates chaos and harm. Unfortunately I needed to collapse before I could see the self-abuse I was trapped in.
Simone Biles recognized she had “the twisties” so she stopped competing before she got hurt. If she’d kept pushing herself to perform she could have injured herself badly enough to end her gymnastics career. Thousands of people watched, baffled, as she walked away. Some judged her, others supported her, but she did what she knew was right.
And now she’s back, winning gold in the Olympics again.
I’m feeling stronger now. I won’t win a gold medal for resting, but I just might win a happier life.